The End Of The World In Cocktails

So, as I’m sitting here typing to our loyal fans, and not staked out in my basement with a shotgun and a can of zombie-proof roach spray (I presume the repellents necessary for both are related), I’m sure it’s evident that the much-anticipated rapture did not occur yesterday. No, the skies did not open and scoop up our friends and frenemies to the heavens. Nor did those of us with slightly spotty permanent records like myself (I admit, I spend a portion of my days coveting Kym Johnson’s abs, and although she’s not my neighbor’s wife, I feel like this is covered in the Ten Commandments) to wander the wrecked earth dodging plagues of stinkbugs and Barry Gibb records. Or, you know, whatever it is that the End of Times should bring.

Instead, I spent most of my day hitting ‘refresh’ on the Google live-update thingie about earthquakes, and plotting the awesome cocktails I was going to make that night.

Yes, the possible end of the world inspired us to do our first Theme Drinking Night: End of the World Cocktails.

A brief note about the Achievement: I was inspired to do theme drink nights last year after reading the fantastic Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella. Without going into too much detail, the book stars a girl whose 100-year-old aunt’s ghost is suddenly visible, only to her, and decked out in the height of 20s flapper fashion. Sophie Kinsella paid such amazing attention to the details of the time period that you couldn’t help but get wrapped up in the story and the characters, and feel like you wanted to be living the glamorous life of the 1920s. Complete, of course, with 1920s-era drinks. (Remember when I put that poor kid through hell trying to make me a Singapore Sling at Gullifty’s? That’s when this obsession started!)

So, our first theme drink night was settled. After performing a moderate amount of searches online, we came up with four drinks that fit the bill, and I sent Michael to the liquor store to buy the required additions.

It turns out that rapture cocktails require a LOT of ingredients. I guess the mindset is, if the world is going to end, you mightaswell spend your last dollars on booze (which we almost did). These different alcohols were the necessary beverages to make our four End of the World Cocktails.

Drink #1: Black Death Shots
1/4 oz Kahlua
1/4 oz Sambuca
1/4 oz Bailey’s
1/4 oz Half and Half

We started with the Black Death Shots, as we’d just finished dinner, and thought this would be a nice ‘dessert’ shot. Also, we figured a shot about the plague was pretty appropriate for the five months of plagues and diseases we were going to be seeing after the rapture.

We tried to pick our two ‘most appropriate’ shot glasses for the end of the world. Somehow, Michael thought the Amish Country one was best (I picked that up in Lancaster when we were there for our friends CJ and Andrea’s wedding in 2009).

I thought the Vegas shot glass was the most appropriate. We toasted to the end of the world, like you do, you know, when the world is ending.

These shots were sort of like buttery nipples, and sort of like those chocolate cake shots, and they really weren’t too awful at all.

Drink #2 – End of the World Shots
1/2 oz high proof rum
1/2 oz whiskey
1/2 oz vodka

These shots were! Have you ever decided to order a drink, and then when it arrived, you found yourself thinking, “This is a really bad idea”? And I’m not talking about those moments shortly before last call when the Jager that becomes a bad idea the next morning is really a good idea at the time. The End of the World shot was DEFINITELY a bad idea. Because I can no longer drink whiskey (a long story from 2004), I knew this was going to be rough. And since I’m always prepared, I had Fig Newton chasers on hand.

Like champs, we toasted to blogging. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I did a horrible, terrible shot for the sake of this blog, and for the sake of helping others who are also looking to make bad decisions. I am a true team player.

It goes without saying that I needed the Fig Newton chaser immediately. And no, I don’t know why I’m attempting kung-fu with my non-Newton hand. I presume it had something to do with zombie defense tactics. Or prevention-of-possible-second-round tactics.

This was my husband’s reaction to the End of the World shot. I think he liked it!

Drink #3 – Judgment Day Cocktail
1 oz vodka
1 tsp cointreau
1 tsp amaretto
7 oz lemon-lime flavored soda
8 pieces of orange peel (chips dime-sized)
1 orange slice garnish

The Judgment Day was probably the best of the bunch, but we made the mistake of buying Trader Joe’s knock-off Sprite. Their version of lemon-lime soda actually has a slightly cream-soda-like aftertaste, and this drink is really supposed to be about the citrus flavors. If I had to do it again, I’d buy the real deal Sprite. (For some reason, the original recipe calls for red and yellow food coloring drops, but we spent too much money on booze to buy fancypants decorations for the drink.)

The Judgment Day cocktail was the point when I started talking about who I was going to smote.

Drink #4 – The Last Word
equal parts of:
gin
fresh lime juice
maraschino liqueur
green Chartreuse

Our final drink was recommended by Rachel Maddow, but I took a special interest in it once I learned it was a prohibition-era cocktail. See how things come full circle in this blog? That’s the kind of fine reporting I aim to always bring to you, my fellow Yinzers. Not only were we having a theme drink night of End of the World Cocktails, we were also drinking a 1920s cocktail. We totally excel at multi-tasking.

Anyway, I said, “Let’s have this in our nice martini glasses for presentation!” So, instead of picking out one of the swanky martini glasses I bought during my Single and Fabulous days in Cambridge, or one of the long-stemmed classy martini glasses we got as wedding presents, my husband pulls out these martini glasses that were favors from the 2000 Avonworth High School prom.

The theme that year? “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.” Yes, the Jefferson Starship song from Mannequinn. (Don’t worry, it gets worse, the prom theme from my senior year in 2001 was “Stairway to Heaven.” I swear I’m not making this stuff up.)

The only reason I let this nonsense slide was because of the lyrics “let the world around us just fall apart, baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart.”

And also because I figured I was already channeling the 1980s with my attempt at a “1999”-like Prince-inspired outfit. So, you know, when it comes to the end of the world, and the 80s, go for broke!

Michael didn’t have any purple to wear, but he tried to pose with some Prince-like attitude anyway. Come on, “1999” was the original End of the World song!

So, I can’t lie, I barely drank any of those last two drinks. I just couldn’t handle it. There were so many types of liquor that I felt like I was back at the Whiskey and Fine Spirits Festival. I had like two sips of each of the last two, then passed the glass to my husband (who took them like a champ, but to be fair, did not get up to join me for a run this morning ;).

All told, I’m certainly glad the world didn’t end. If those are the sorts of things you have to drink at the End of Times, I think I’d just let the zombies have at me. I’m much more of a wine or simple vodka drink kind of girl.

Well, unless it actually came down to the zombies. If pressed, I could probably drink a zombie under the table. Think I’ll add that to my resumé.