Fair Food And Divas Of Danger Up The Big Butler Fair

You know, there’s a saying out there, “You’re not a true Yinzer until you’ve experienced the Big Butler Fair.”

I mean, I like to think there’s a saying like that, because let’s not kid ourselves, the Big Butler Fair is serious business. If you’ve never been, you need to get ready to have your face melted by the upcoming massive amounts of livestock photos and truck pull pollution. (I kind of mean it about the pollution, someday, too many truck pulls are going to melt all of our faces, Terminator-style.)

My fabulous, ultra-sheltered husband had never been to the Big Butler Fair. Can you imagine that? Never, had he ever, milked a goat while others looked on and laughed! (More on the goat milking later…) His first impression as we pulled into the parking lot (directed by parking attendants who were wearing neon orange on top – smart, so we can see them – and camo on the bottom – so they could… hide?) was, “Wow. This is certainly… rural.”

Oh yes, it’s rural. It’s piles-of-sheep rural.

It’s helpfully-labeled-barns rural, because there is SO MUCH LIVESTOCK you want to be sure you’re stepping into the right location to check on your prize-winning ram.

Yeah, that’s right, prize-winning rams. And not just any prize-winning rams, SUPREME CHAMPION prize-winning rams.

And weird-looking alpacas that resemble a cross between a truffula tree and Kristin Wiig’s Angela Dixon disco weatherlady.

Oh yeah, and GOATS. Tons and tons of goats, who my husband was totally going to milk!!

Oh. Wait. Damn 279 traffic, making us 15 mintutes late… 15 minutes past goat-milking hours.

“What, really? I had my hopes up!”

After the disappointment of learning my husband would not be milking a goat any time soon, I had to deal with my sadness by visiting horses. And by that, I mean every horse. And reading their little awards, and learning which ones did jumping, and which ones did western riding, and which ones did showmanship. I don’t even really know what all of those things mean, but I was like, “HELLO MAGGIE, LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR SHOWMANSHIP AWARD, GOOD JOB” to basically every horse there.

I also visited a large pile of snuggling cows.

And one other cow that looked like a Lucy cow. Seriously, look at her: does she not look like a big grey, cow-version of my dog??

There were pigs that were having nice dreams.

There were cute little bunnies available for adoption (Michael said Lucy does NOT want a pet bunny, so I had no choice but to believe him).

Then we saw chickens, which made me a little apprehensive.

But in the end, I decided to dance with them anyway.

The we got dollar hot dogs, which were really good. Hey PNC Park, we’re looking at you: call the Big Butler Fair and they will show you how dollar dog night is done! 🙂

Here we are at the Midway, moments before we got heckled by every single games carny there was!

Michael decided to win me a cute little stuffed cow, but that wasn’t good enough for the dude running the dart game. He had to photobomb with a fine necklace made of stuffed monkey.

After all of this excitement, it was time for the truck pulls. They are just what they sound like: trucks pullin’ stuff. I think I spent the majority of the truck pull cringing, thinking about all of the car maintenance tips my dad has drilled into me in the past 13+ years, and how this was going against all of them.

To say nothing, of course, of the general pollution. Sheesh!

Truck pulls, and my favorite raspberry iced tea (YEAH MARBURGER FARMS GET IT!), and a small stuffed cow: what more could a girl possibly want!!

Oh, that’s what: ELEPHANT EARS!!!

Michael had never had an elephant ear before! These are not to be confused with funnel cakes, because there’s something different in the flavor and composition of the treats. Something less sweet, but still deliciously bad for you in an elephant ear!

I totally had some things to teach those Divas of Danger, so I busted out my very special “Halloween” dance to show that I, too, am a Dangerous Diva.

So we had a totally awesome time at the Big Butler Fair, and I have no doubt that we will return sometime soon. And then, we will arrive early enough to allow my husband to fulfill his goat-milking potential.

I mean, how else does he hope to honor his title of Fair Queen??